Condiment-Based Neighborly Feud Starts War On Ketchup And Brand Snobs

Ally Perry • Writer and Editor

Mar 3, 2022 4:00 PM EST

Having neighbors is one of the oddest types of relationships that we cultivate. They're basically forced upon us on a regular basis, like a sort of colleague for our house. At the same time, it's uncommon to spend a large amount of time and closeness with them all, as with a partner or a close family member.

As with pretty much any kind of interpersonal connection, whether we are blessed with the perfect person next door or the family from hell is largely based on the luck of the draw. Worst of all, if you are stuck next to someone terrible, or you have a falling out with them, there's nowhere to go except home.

Just like any other member of the animal kingdom, us humans can get quite territorial when provoked. The place where we live is also where we are most frequently seen at our worst. As almost anyone who has lived close to other people has found out the hard way, this can lead to some interesting (or rather, headache-provoking) predicaments.

For @WoodyLuvsCoffee, this has come in the form of a serving of tomato sauce. After his neighbor asked to borrow some ketchup, then expressed distaste at his preferred brand, he refused her the condiment. This escalated into a battle of unnecessary proportions, and also happened to score him a viral tweet. However, this was only the beginning of the saga.

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People are fiercely protective of their preferred brand.

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Long story short, the way in which tomatoes get blended to a pulp and mixed with different additives is a serious business for a lot of people. Ketchup is no stranger to controversy; as with all condiments, the preference of when and where it should be used is enough to start a thousand arguments. Please, keep it far away from pasta, even if you don't care about making Italians angry.
While there's also a lot of people who solemnly pledge their allegiance to Heinz, Twitter users offered up a blood-colored rainbow of options that made up their preferred choice. As if that wasn't enough, somebody insisted on bringing mayo into the conversation, too.
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Others couldn't stomach the idea of brand loyalty.

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A minority were in the "all mysterious red gloop is equal" camp, but they didn't get very far.
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Even more extreme are those who won’t touch it at all.

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Ask these people who hurt them, and the inevitable answer is: tomatoes.
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The story left some wanting more.

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All of the keenest observers know when it's time to bring out the popcorn, and they were out in force after this story got started. With its inflated egos and weirdly specific argument, this is the kind of petty drama that only the forced closeness of neighborliness could bring. Moral of the story: if you have strong opinions on your sauces, you're much better off buying them for yourself.